Why Is Catholic Marriage In a Catastrophic Decline?
It Is a Tragic Loss of Happiness
Marriages in the Catholic Church, both in the United States and across the Globe have been in a catastrophic decline over the past half century and aside from an occasional passing mention, no one seems to be too concerned about it. But the decline is BIG! What do I mean by ” Big and Catastrophic“? One look at this figure is clear enough.1
The Seriousness of the Drop
From 1970 to 2020, in the United States, there has been an 80% drop in the Percent of Catholic Marriages relative to the Catholic Population. This is not just for the US since as one can see for the Population of the Global Catholic Church, the drop is about 67% over the same 50 years. The drop in relative Marriage averaged over the entire Globe of almost 70% is so serious and is such a root cause of the Church’s difficulties right down to the parish level as to make one shudder at its origin and effects.
This is a decline right through years of Popes, Encyclicals, Synods and VC II, right through liturgical reforms of all kinds, right through theologians debating issues of important consequence. Yet couples have just continued to decline to marry in the Catholic Church. Why?
What Is the Cause of Such a Decline?
The answer is simple: the men and women of today are listening and responding to a different tune than the one they are hearing from the Church. The drama of the recent death of Pope Francis and the election of Pope Leo XIV watched by millions, on a scale never before experienced in the Church willl soon fade. Catholics today have their pods beating out a different, relentless tune.
What is that tune?
When I have asked many people over a lifetime of times, what they are looking for in life, including those living together outside of marriage or a single person, separated or divorced or simply living alone, they undoubtedly, unhesitatingly, answer:
Happiness!
It’s a simple, natural desire of everyone: to live a life of tranquility, peace and joy lasting into the later years of life. Of course, from infancy, we all quickly become aware over time of the obstacles that are presented in reaching and sustaining such a goal of happiness. Those who have looked at marriage in the Catholic Church as a possible way of life and chosen to decline such a course, then rely on whatever manner of love has been expressed between them to live happily. Catholic Marriage was not and is not seen as a source of happiness but rather a move into a life that seems pretty unhappy, tied up with imposed rules and a possible dead end in separation or divorce.
When a number such as an 80% decline in the Percent of US Catholic Marriages is presented, one must ask, indeed, of necessity, is impelled to probe more deeply and ask again: “What are the causes of this loss of Marriage?”
My initial réponse is two fold:
(1) the decline in Catholic Marriages is caused by the moral decline of the current culture and
(2) the decline is occurring because Marriage in the Catholic Church is not seen as a source of happiness and joy.
The Moral Decline of the Culture
What I call the moral decline of the current culture immediately puts me in a category of one who is stern, inflexible, not open to change, even “dangerous”. But the reality is undeniable. Our culture exhibits a life style that largely no longer believes in the God of the Catholic Church and in the presence of a world apart from this visible, measurable world. It is a culture focused on a love of self in contrast to a Christ-like love of giving of oneself to a spouse, relying not on one’s own strength but on the love and active grace of God. It is a culture which embraces, e.g., a free-form of co-habitation, of casual sexual intercourse as common as a good-night kiss, formerly called fornication (a word rarely used today since it just sounds too “negative” or “doing wrong” or dare I say it, “sinful!”. It is hardly a “new” culture in its hacking apart the core of marriage, to wit, the 6thCommandment. This all results in a widespread deterioration of any recognition or acceptance of objective moral behavior announced by the Church to the individual (“Don’t tell me what to do!”)
The Silence of the Church on the Happiness of Marriage
Secondly, Catholic Marriages have declined so steeply also due to the failure of the Church (including its married couples!) to announce the truth of the happiness and joy that Catholic Marriage can bring to a couple.
Those who have declined Catholic Marriage have always existed in the Church but this persistent decline has resulted in a rapid and steeply increasing population of all those Catholics who are seeking happiness in life styles that can lead to unhappiness. Social surveys have consistently shown over multiple decades that those who are married are more happy than those who have never married .I say this because this really massive shift within the Church away from marriage has generated a population that has severed with the most ancient Tradition of Marriage and therefore represents a tragic loss of happiness
Regrettably, the situation of, for example, a cohabitating couple, may simply be accepted as an example of one to which all measure of Spirit-driven sensitivity must be applied. Yet throughout the entire history of the Church and beginning with the very creation of man and woman, marriage has been offered as a gift of happiness and true meaning of sexual union between male and female. This is in direct opposition to the first cultural response to marriage: “Marriage is hard, a long struggle. Kids cost money and cramp lifestyle. No fun! We want happiness!”.
The rejection of any clear unambiguous statement of the choice of marriage in the Catholic Church as the most proven natural means to live a good, joyful and happy life has contributed substantially the cultural barrenness of the observed marriage decline.
Effects of the Decline in Marriage
The subsequent effects of the decline in Catholic Marriages are easily seen, as in declines in birth rate, infant Baptism rates. I would like however to present one fact that is not so readily seen.
Infant Baptisms Per Catholic Marriage
I took the US total number of infant Baptisms and divided by the total number of Catholic Marriages for the Year 2020.2and got a number equal to about 4. I immediately said to my wife Joan “There’s something wrong here. This number is way too high!” Now, why did I say that? Simply because the current US birth rate is less than 2 births per woman and Catholic women pretty much give birth at the same rate as the general population. So about two times more people are bringing babies for Baptisms who are not married in the Catholic Church than those who are married! Here ia a picture of the trend of this ratio over the past 50 years.
Infants Being Baptized From Non-Marriage Situations
Back in 1970, the number of infant Baptisms per Catholic Marriage was about equal to the number of births per woman which is what we would expect. However, over the ensuing years, the gap began to widen. Within 30 years the Baptism/Marriage ratio substantially exceeds the birth rate as shown, indicating that something else was happening. By the Year 2020, the ratio of Baptisms/Marriage was twice the birth rate. Babies were clearly being baptized from non-marriage situations.These could be single mothers or women, couples living together or same sex couples.
A Changed “Catholic” Population
This has resulted and is resulting in a whole different “Catholic” population today than that which existed a half century ago, which is hardly news to those in the Church.This is true both for the US as well as for the Globe as a whole since the previous conclusion is reached for the whole World as well. It is a population that just doesn’t go to Mass as frequently, is not interested in getting married, is not interested in having children or, if so, is quite passive in transmitting and living a full life of sacramental faith, let alone encouraging a son to become a priest. This is a tragic result of our failure to declare, with experiential conviction, that marriage in the Catholic Church is a God-given, grace-filled, peace-generating, source of happiness. The visible effects of such joy are in the gifts of two in the one flesh of Christ, of the longevity of fidelity, of wonderment of children.
The Happiness of Catholic Marriage
Is all of this too saccharine, to smooth talking, to veiling of the reality of Catholic marriage? Catholic Marriage is to enter a life of true freedom from the prison of living solely for oneself. True freedom which is true Happiness is realized in the yielding of oneself to one’s spouse in an act of love for the other, to increase THEIR Happiness even at the expense of my own Happiness.This is the love that only Christ gives so that the mission of the Christian is to desire the very nature of Christ. Yet to think that all this is possible on the level of human endeavor alone is to miss the whole point of being a Catholic.
The Happiness of Loving as Christ Loves
To love a spouse as Christ loves is to be open to suffering. This is a truth of Christian love. and it is equally a truth that this Love is the only source of true Happiness and joy. To live together for a lifetime in willingness to give one’s very life to one’s spouse is simply not possible solely on the strength of human nature. The Cross of suffering, despair, resentments, fierce anger appears seemingly without letup. Do Joan and I argue and fight? Oh, Yes! Can we testify to deep suffering over our large family, over death of spirit and body, over relationships fraught with pain? We answer with an unequivocal Yes! Yet the joy of the Resurrection of Reconciliation comes not by our strength but by the grace of the Sacrament. So we can equally testify to the truth that death has been overcome by Jesus Christ and only in marriage in the Catholic Church is there the possibility of receiving the grace of joy and happiness in the Cross and Resurrection of married life.
The Happiness of the Truth of Catholic Marriage
The Happiness of which I speak of here is not of our manufacture, not of our woeful and severely limited human efforts but a Happiness from the very Love of God sent to us through the ancient and reliable truth of Happiness in Catholic Marriage.
***************************************************************************************************************
- The data from which this Figure was built come from a variety of sources which I describe in my book that I’m working on: “The Bride Rejoices and Weeps-A Numerical History of the Global Catholic Population” ↩︎
- Only certain kinds of people, like me! would think of doing things like this-looking for what is veiled behind the numbers. ↩︎
